Swallow Crystals and Laugh Prisms.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Becoming Lucid

I don't feel so free.

i just want to think. i finally feel like a true artist.
listening to some of my classmates talk, it is overwhelming. i cannot think the way they think. i need to separate myself because it confuses me. my life path is different.
i am not afraid of anything. this is because i believe in myself. not as anything but as myself. i am not one thing but a compilation of things that exist in a completely different way--i am memories and i have been love, i am millions of atoms, we just accept to exist. my flesh is a history that belongs to everyone i've ever met.
i don't give a shit about living in illusion. but i want to live the illusion, awake.

everyone has the same dream as me.
I'm struggling with that because I don't like being the same as everyone else. yes, maybe i will be different because i will break through because i've got that weird spark inside of me. I suppress any doubts because they are poison. so i continue to search for what will make me different.

what is not different: Preoccupation with death and the simultaneous weight of trying to experience

You are your own reality and we have millions of realities to choose from
I want to feel everything
i want to smile as i die. there. that's a goal.


Anonymous said...

It doesn't matter if you 'talk the talk' with everyone else. In reality, half of it is actually just that we're all insecure and trying to justify the last four years by mouthing off to eachother. If you're finding your way and feeling happy in yourself, that's all that matters. I wish I could be as strong, and not fall to crippling self doubt so often. You're an inspiration in many ways, and I hope you keep doing what you're doing. You're stardust baby.

Tuesday Morning said...

you're an inspiration as well, i guess just in a totally different way.
i love being stardust. or being reminded that i am. it puts everything into cosmic perspective.
all right sugar baby, you've shocked me
keep loving all pure.