final compositional sketch for Detour:
colour study (see left margin):
Also did a lot with my werewolf motorcycle rider piece.
Linda says I should just set out and do one thing and that I'm thinking too much, and I should just not even think about all the other stuff until I'm done with one thing. I really needed to hear that, and I've been really productive since. She also mentioned the possibility of taking a couple incompletes and finishing the work over winter-break.
L.A. seems so close.
I bought a street map and tacked it up in my studio so that I can learn the neighborhoods and it will inspire me to work as hard as I can.
At the bookstore I was looking at Annie Liebowitz' American Music and there is this amazing photograph of Bo Diddley and Chuck Berry after a show at the Cow Palace in San Francisco in 1972. Bo's carrying his own cases, and a girl is hanging around Chuck's waist. Makes me think of the magic musicians have.
I'm listening to Fleetwood Mac's album "Then Play On," the Fleetwood Mac with Peter Green, before Stevie Nicks came into the picture. I remember playing this record on the vintage red Braun record player in Delft with all the lights off except for the red light.
I can't help it, I'm a very nostalgic person.
I'm feeling a little dejected. From a number of things. I've felt pretty isolated lately, this year I made the conscious decision to be more open to people, because I'm pretty unfair when it comes to that sort of stuff. I have ridiculously high standards for people I take into my life, and I sort of "test" people before I bother getting to know them. Well, I've been thinking a lot about the concept of elitism lately, and I'm definitely not done thinking about it, but it plays into this. The thing that's bothering me is that I feel like I've made 2 or 3 good connections with people, but when I try to take the acquaintance up to the level of friendship, I end up feeling rejected.
I've never understood the concept of acquaintance, it reduces humans to Filler, to convenience to your own comfort. You don't really learn about yourself or others through this type of relationship, it's essentially useless and superficial. Thus, I've eliminated it from my life prior to this exercise in openness.
I'm feeling frustrated right now because this is kind of proving to me that the method I was employing before was the right one. Acquaintance relationships leave me feeling even more alone.
Another possible factor might be that I come across as too intense, or that maybe I'm too fast. I prefer working in a small amount of time, because I skip the bullshit. I was talking about that with my sister. How the concept of waiting to kiss someone or have sex is dumb; if you're feeling it: do it.
So what is it?
Does it have to do with the East Coast? Does it have to do with my intensity or speed?