SPIT is about the concept of letting go. It's about the illustration department and it's about how I felt after coming back from San Francisco in January after I'd almost fallen in another love. In a way, the pyramid is arbitrary, but because "it is conceptually arbitrary," it's not at all, because I'm letting go of the rules of illustration. I'm not going to illustrate letting go literally. It's an abstract concept. Spitting is the perfect action for letting go, expelling something forcefully from your being, flying again, becoming free.
This is my first degree project piece in the series. They're not gonna be pretty, but that's not what this is about.
right now i'm scared to put up the fourth because it's so recent. I fall in love too easily. It's all free love but I think that concept is shrouded and alien to most people until they feel it. It was for me. I always make the mistake of being too honest, too straightforward, too poetic, too fast. Free love is when you genuinely love another person for who they are, what you know of who they are, but the ball and chain of heavy love doesn't exist, or it doesn't exist yet, because the love hasn't had the chance to progress. It's fluid and time is inconsequential. I finally was able to determine the cause of my psychic illness that's been haunting me since the beginning of March. It's definitely connected to my degree project. Every piece I'm doing is about a man, a musician, I've felt that free love with. I love so many people at once, so much, so fast that it has literally emotionally exhausted me. And it's only emotionally exhausted me because I just haven't gotten anything back and this past month I've been spreading myself over 4, and NONE of those 4 have requited a semblance of the energy and emotion I've invested. And that's okay, I don't ask for anything. If you pass my ridiculous standards, I really don't ask for anything. It's just because of the quantity, I think. Just because I've received nothing.
post-script: It's unfair of me to say I've received nothing in return, because I think they've given me all that they can give. And that what is really wearing me out are my expectations. Because a situation is just a situation, once you start projecting, that's where it goes bad.
ideas: screen-print fabric patches custom rolling papers (looks too expensive) buttons just because MassArt has that machine
then I've got my business cards and post card. what would be really cool is if i could do the rolling papers, but get blank boxes and maybe just paint them individually. because if i get them printed, there's a minimum of 1000 packs. SIGH.
not sure how happy i am with the colour of the dirt, and i want to take some of the ultramarine out of the cans on the left because they're distracting. I also need to fill in the other patches. Any other suggestions or observations?
This is an idea I have for a post card. I want to make it more cougar-like, right now I feel uncomfortable with how similar it is to my reference. I was thinking of making a hole punch shaped like an acid tab and punching out a little square in every cougar's tongue. I think I need to let this piece kind of weigh my mind a little and then I can come back to it and apply a concept which will then lend depth and further composition/imagery clarity.
i've started reading The Autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alex Haley and it's a really intense experience. I've read nearly 100 pages in less than 3 hours and it's exciting because not only is the writing really great, the STORY is really great, and not only is his life really fascinating, but I can relate to how this man experiences life. It's sort of made me think about individuals who have this sort of passion again. i've been thinking a lot about passion and drive and the need to CHANGE the way things are for a while now. how those people usually die by violent means. i had a rant about it to my father after he picked me up from the train and by the time we were in amesbury i kind of walked the front yard and found myself crying because i know i'm destined to be one of those people. right now i'm living this way because i know i need to take full advantage of the time i can be free before a cause will find me and consume me and ultimately kill me
what i re-realized today was that No one will EVER be ready for us. It doesn't matter who i'm talking about. if it happened 40 years ago or if it happens now. the mass herd will always be instinctually/primally possessed to eliminate those who threaten the coherence of the species in the population in the society in the culture that it attempts to exist/survive. Whether they wear us down psychologically and we off our selves one way or another. Isolation, suicide, alcohol, drugs, etc.
or physically murder. That's what it is one way or the other. I don't feel scared but I dread it because it makes me sad. I've felt it ever since I can remember.
extreme richness texture of experience intensity isolating impatience drive passion recklessness impulsiveness intuition power magic confidence belief
I have a new promotional video of ME, dancing. You can locate it on the menu to the right of this. it's rough, but that's what you're going to get until some GOD/DESS films me live, unbeknownst to me and then gifts me a copy. Filmed by the best friend anyone could ever dream of, my soul sister, slinkster, wildcat Penelope Coyote. We'll suck you out! hahaha
My card. The back is the one with the eagle. or whatever. i guess it could be two-sided. The eagle side is done.
i'm going to NYC tomorrow morning with my mama. We're staying in The Chelsea Hotel the first night, that was one of my life goals. i've been feeling sick to my stomach lately i think it's because i can't concentrate on anything because there is too much happening, too many distractions. If any of you out there like Black Sabbath, I'm listening to this band that's on Tee Pee records (check out this label's other bands, they're all radadelic) called naam. they're coming to boston later this month.
Also, there's been a major change in my degree project installation.
I met with my friend Serena, who is in 3D design and has a lot of experience in building structures. She told me I needed to think more about what I want to communicate with the structure and come back when I have that really figured out. I wrote a list of how I feel at shows and marked the subtle delineations between the feelings of exhilaration and the inner peace. I found that my purpose was to communicate this dichotomy of feeling. It is imperative that the environment be overwhelming, but not in a negative way. I also want participants to experience my project in a profoundly solitary way. Weeks later, Serena and I met for breakfast during a snowstorm. That Monday we’d gone to see Earthless and Witch together. Inspired by our shared concert experience, she told me she envisioned the structure being my leg in my striped pants. She opened my mind to thinking about transforming the space completely, instead of just adding elements to a pre-existing container. She drew out a tunnel and a plexiglass floor supported by wood beams with coloured fluorescent lights running along underneath between the beams. The room would be a tunnel of striped fabric, with my images projected onto the tunnel walls from outside, fans enabling the fabric to undulate and vibrate, with lights with coloured gels, oranges and greens. At the end of the tunnel where it met the wall, there would be a strip of wall on which some of my pieces would be attached and there would be programs that were massively over-sized and comically larger than life. I sat with this totally new spin on my original idea and something wasn’t right, I felt constrained by the tunnel and that wasn’t what I wanted to communicate at all. I’m now thinking about opening up the top of the tunnel and winding it so that it opens to a space people can relax inside. I imagine a fake fur rug and many feathers tied onto strings that are hanging from the ceiling and brushing the tops of peoples’ heads. Maybe one wall has a projection of one of pieces. Throughout the path I want to project pieces as well, but they will be harder to concentrate on and less clear. Conceptually, this actualization fits much better than my original vision.
Here you can see my initial idea (which is just a boring gallery idea):
needing to keep the top of the tunnel open... winding the path possible bird-eye turns
AND sketch of a detail of a sketch for a copper etching for printmaking:
it's kind of part of a ritual of letting go, but all drawn-out because it's so rare to meet people you feel not only match you, but can push you to grow as an individual. anyway it's sort of an ode... lemme do it i don't wanna give a shiiit.
Is this too boring for the back of my business card? The type will be handwritten. This is just the layout. Right now it looks SO BUSINESS-Y! Also do you think it's clear that I'm not doing the modern interpretation of go-go dancing, that I'm doing my take on the old-school style?