Swallow Crystals and Laugh Prisms.

Monday, March 23, 2009

my biggest mistake was loving you too much

SPIT is about the concept of letting go. It's about the illustration department and it's about how I felt after coming back from San Francisco in January after I'd almost fallen in another love. In a way, the pyramid is arbitrary, but because "it is conceptually arbitrary," it's not at all, because I'm letting go of the rules of illustration. I'm not going to illustrate letting go literally. It's an abstract concept. Spitting is the perfect action for letting go, expelling something forcefully from your being, flying again, becoming free.

This is my first degree project piece in the series.
They're not gonna be pretty, but that's not what this is about.

right now i'm scared to put up the fourth because it's so recent.
I fall in love too easily. It's all free love but I think that concept is shrouded and alien to most people until they feel it. It was for me. I always make the mistake of being too honest, too straightforward, too poetic, too fast.
Free love is when you genuinely love another person for who they are, what you know of who they are, but the ball and chain of heavy love doesn't exist, or it doesn't exist yet, because the love hasn't had the chance to progress. It's fluid and time is inconsequential.
I finally was able to determine the cause of my psychic illness that's been haunting me since the beginning of March. It's definitely connected to my degree project. Every piece I'm doing is about a man, a musician, I've felt that free love with. I love so many people at once, so much, so fast that it has literally emotionally exhausted me. And it's only emotionally exhausted me because I just haven't gotten anything back and this past month I've been spreading myself over 4, and NONE of those 4 have requited a semblance of the energy and emotion I've invested. And that's okay, I don't ask for anything. If you pass my ridiculous standards, I really don't ask for anything. It's just because of the quantity, I think. Just because I've received nothing.

post-script: It's unfair of me to say I've received nothing in return, because I think they've given me all that they can give. And that what is really wearing me out are my expectations. Because a situation is just a situation, once you start projecting, that's where it goes bad.

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