i've started reading The Autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alex Haley and it's a really intense experience. I've read nearly 100 pages in less than 3 hours and it's exciting because not only is the writing really great, the STORY is really great, and not only is his life really fascinating, but I can relate to how this man experiences life.
It's sort of made me think about individuals who have this sort of passion again.
i've been thinking a lot about passion and drive and the need to CHANGE the way things are for a while now. how those people usually die by violent means. i had a rant about it to my father after he picked me up from the train and by the time we were in amesbury i kind of walked the front yard and found myself crying because i know i'm destined to be one of those people. right now i'm living this way because i know i need to take full advantage of the time i can be free before a cause will find me and consume me and ultimately kill me

what i re-realized today was that No one will EVER be ready for us.
It doesn't matter who i'm talking about. if it happened 40 years ago or if it happens now. the mass herd will always be instinctually/primally possessed to eliminate those who threaten the coherence of the species in the population in the society in the culture that it attempts to exist/survive.
Whether they wear us down psychologically
and we off our selves one way or another. Isolation, suicide, alcohol, drugs, etc.

or physically
murder.
That's what it is one way or the other. I don't feel scared but I dread it because it makes me sad. I've felt it ever since I can remember.


extreme
richness
texture of experience
intensity
isolating
impatience
drive
passion
recklessness
impulsiveness
intuition
power
magic
confidence
belief